The Back-to-School Backpack: What are you carrying into the new school year?

There's something about the beginning of a new school year that feels a little bit like standing at the edge of a new adventure. The backpacks are packed. New shoes have been bought. School supplies have made their way onto the kitchen table. Calendars are filling up again. Bedtimes are getting earlier, and summer is slowly beginning to slip away.

As a therapist who works with children, teens, and parents, I notice something else happening during this time of year, too. Alongside all the excitement and preparation, we are also packing up something we can't necessarily see: our emotions.

I like to think of these emotions as a backpack. Each of us arrives at the beginning of a new school year carrying our own emotional backpack. Some are light. Some are overflowing. Some contain a mixture of excitement and worry, while others hold feelings that we might not even have words for yet..and the interesting thing about these backpacks? They don't just belong to our kids. Children carry them. Teens carry them. And parents carry them, too!

So, as we head into another school year, let's take a moment to think about what might be tucked inside each of these backpacks.

The Child's Backpack: "What if I don't know what to do?"

For younger children, starting school again can bring a whole collection of very big feelings.

There might be excitement about seeing friends, meeting a new teacher, playing at recess, or getting back to favourite activities. But there might also be worry.

What if my teacher is different from last year?

What if I don't know where to go?

What if I can't remember the classroom rules?

What if I don't make any friends?

What if I miss Mom or Dad?

For some children, these worries don't come out as, "I'm feeling anxious about going back to school."

Instead, they might show up as:

• Tears or meltdowns

• Tummy aches or headaches

• Difficulty sleeping

• Clinginess

• Irritability

• Avoiding school-related conversations

• Suddenly insisting they really, really don't want to go to school

As adults, it's easy to focus on the behaviour we can see. But sometimes, the behaviour is communicating something that a child doesn't yet have the words to explain. A tummy ache might actually be worry. "I don't want to go" might really mean, "I'm scared I won't know what to do."

This is where we can help make their backpack feel a little lighter. We don't necessarily have to convince them that there is nothing to worry about. Instead, we can make space for the worry.

We can say:

"It makes sense that you're feeling nervous. Starting something new can feel a little scary. We can figure it out together."

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can give a child isn't reassurance that everything will be perfect. It's the reassurance that: They won't have to figure it out alone.

The Teen's Backpack: "Who am I going to be this year?"

Teenagers often carry a very different collection of emotions into the school year. There may be excitement about seeing friends again, joining a team, getting involved in activities, or starting a new grade. But there can also be a lot of pressure tucked into that backpack.

Will I fit in?

Will I still have the same friends?

What will people think of me?

Can I keep up academically?

What if everyone else seems to have it together and I don't?

For teenagers, the beginning of a school year can also bring questions about identity.

Who am I becoming?

Where do I fit?

What do I want this year to look like?

We may see a teenager getting ready for school and think, "They're excited to see their friends." But they may also be carrying worries about friendships, appearance, popularity, academics, or how they compare to everyone else.

Sometimes teens don't want to sit down and unpack their backpack with us, and that's okay! They may need some space before they're ready to talk. As adults, our job isn't always to pull everything out of the backpack for them. Sometimes it's just to sit beside them and say: "I'm here if you want to talk. You don't have to figure everything out today."

Connection doesn't always happen through a deep conversation at the kitchen table. Sometimes it happens in the car, while getting ice cream, during a walk, while playing a game together. Sometimes the best conversations happen when we're not actually trying to have a conversation.

Meet them where they are.

The Parent's Backpack: "Am I doing enough?"

And then there is the backpack we don't always talk about: the parents.

Parents carry their own complicated mix of emotions when school begins again. There can be relief as routines return. Excitement about watching your child grow. Pride as you see them becoming more independent. But there can also be worry.

Will they be okay?

Will they make friends?

Will their teacher understand them?

Will they feel confident?

Will they ask for help when they need it?

And sometimes there is a feeling that parents don't always say out loud:

Am I doing enough?

We can put an incredible amount of pressure on ourselves to get the school year "right."

The right lunch.

The right routine.

The right amount of homework support.

The right extracurricular activities.

The right balance between encouraging independence and being involved.

As a parent myself, I understand how easy it can be to carry these expectations around, but parenting isn't about perfectly managing every situation. Your child doesn't need you to carry a perfectly organized backpack. They need you to be their safe place to come back to when the backpack feels heavy. And sometimes, that means putting our own emotions down for a moment and recognizing: we're carrying them, too!

So, What's in Your Backpack?

As the school year begins, I encourage you to think about your family's emotional backpacks.

For children...

Maybe there is:

• Excitement

• Nervousness

• Curiosity

• Worry

• Anticipation

For teens...

Maybe there is:

• Confidence

• Uncertainty

• Pressure

• Excitement

• Self-doubt

• Hope

For parents...

Maybe there is:

• Pride

• Relief

• Worry

• Anticipation

• Exhaustion

• Pressure

  
  

There is no "perfect" backpack, and there doesn't need to be. Some days, we may carry our emotions easily and other days, our backpack might feel incredibly heavy. The goal isn't necessarily to empty it completely. The goal is to learn how to notice what we're carrying, make space for it, and ask for help when we need it.

Emotions Are Information

As a therapist who works with children, teens, and parents, one of the things I value most is helping families understand that emotions aren't problems that need to be immediately fixed, they are information.

They tell us something:

A worried child may be telling us they need reassurance.

An overwhelmed teen may be telling us they need connection, understanding, or a break.

A frustrated parent may be telling us that their own backpack has become a little too heavy.

When we look at emotions this way, we can become a little more curious and a little less focused on making the feeling disappear.

Instead of asking: "How do I stop this?"

We can start asking: "What is this feeling trying to tell me?"

Before You Head Into the New School Year...

Maybe the question isn't just: "Are you ready for school?"

Maybe the better question is: "What are you carrying with you?"

Take a moment to check in with yourself and your children.

What feelings are sitting in your backpack?

What feels exciting?

What feels heavy?

What are you looking forward to?

What are you worried about?

And most importantly, who can you lean on when the backpack gets a little too heavy?

Before we rush to unpack all the difficult feelings, we can remind ourselves that we don't have to carry them alone!

Here's to a new school year, with all of its excitement, uncertainty, growth, challenges, and possibilities.. and to remembering that sometimes, the most important thing we can pack is a little compassion for ourselves and for each other!