When the Fun is Over: Understanding the emotional crash after positive experiences

We all know the feeling of excitement for a long anticipated event. A family vacation, a holiday, a concert, a wedding, summer break. We set a countdown, we plan, we spend weeks or months waiting in anticipation. We pour a lot of excitement, meaning and anticipation into these events (as we should). 

But sometimes, right in the middle of that joyful experience, other thoughts start to creep in:

“Oh no.. it’s almost over” 

“Am I soaking this in enough?” 

“One day I’ll miss days like these” 

“I won’t have another day like this for a long time, if ever” 

These thoughts, while coming from a place of joy, can start to make that exciting event a little less exciting. The awareness that experiences like these are temporary can make it difficult to fully live in the moment and be present. Instead we become aware of the countdown, the days, hours, and minutes until the experience is over, desperately trying to cling on to the last bits of joy. 

But WHY does this happen? 

1. Transitions can be hard.

When you think of transitions, you might only think of those major life changes..changing jobs, moving homes, becoming a parent.. but the end of a joyful experience is a transition as well. Going from an exciting event back to “normal” life can be surprisingly challenging.

While on vacation, or at a special event you may be in a state of calm, excitement, happiness. We aren’t often thinking about the things on our to-do list, or the laundry that’s piling up at home.

It’s not that you suddenly stop enjoying your everyday life, but rather, your brain notices the contrast. Going from connection, novelty, excitement back to laundry, emails, work and responsibilities can feel like a much bigger shift than we expect. 

When the positive experience is over, we are then forced to transition back into our regular routine, but our brains need time to adjust. The emotional crash is often your brain adjusting to the transition from something special back to everyday life. You may find that after a couple of days those feelings start to level out, and you feel ready and able to get back into a routine. 

2. Anticipation of joy. 

A lot of the joy of a fun event or experience comes from the anticipation, planning and excitement leading up to it. When the event is over, we lose not only the experience itself, but that feeling of anticipation and having something to look forward to.

This is often referred to as anticipatory joy, the happiness we experience from just looking forward to something. And this is why, people often start planning their next trip or fun experience almost immediately after (or sometimes during) the last fun event.

Without realizing it, our minds shift from counting down to something exciting to looking at what's next on our to-do list at home. That change can make everyday life feel a lot heavier, even if nothing is actually wrong.

Our brains crave excitement, and many people feel more content and motivated when there's something exciting to look forward to. 

3. Grieving something that mattered. 

Grief isn’t always about sadness or difficult life events.. we can grieve the ending of beautiful, special moments too. Grief is the emotional response we have when we experience the loss of, or a change in something that mattered to us. The end of a long anticipated experience can bring that sense of grief because you are saying goodbye to something that brought you joy, purpose, connection, and comfort.

But this form of grief can also be confusing! You may find yourself wondering “why am I sad, I had such a good time”. It can be tricky to cope with emotions that don’t feel like they match the experience. This can then lead to feelings of guilt, “I shouldn’t feel sad or so upset by this, it was a happy experience”. But the thing is, happiness and grief can co-exist. You can feel happy to have experienced something so great, while upset when it ends. Feeling sad when something is over often shows how much that experience meant to you.

Rather than judging these feelings, or trying to push them away, it can be helpful to recognize them as a normal part of processing change and loss. When we understand where these feelings are coming from, we can begin to learn how to support ourselves through this transition.

SO as we go into the last month of summer, you might experience some of these feelings. You might start to notice the challenges of transitioning to a new season..getting ready for back-to-school, or cooler weather. You may find yourself clinging to the last memories of the summer, or trying desperately to find something to still look forward to. You might also have feelings of grief. Grief that summer is coming to an end. The realization that those moments are now memories, sadness that things might look differently next summer.

And while this is all true, remember that every summer that passes, every fun event that comes to an end, are all moments that have mattered to you, and are all moments that will shape who you are. 

So HOW do I cope? 

1. Acknowledge the feelings, instead of judging or questioning why you may be feeling that way. Sometimes we add a layer of overwhem by judging the feelings themselves ("I shouldn't be feeling this way"). Recognizing the emotions as a normal reaction, can help you move forward with more compassion for yourself.

2. Allow yourself to reflect on those moments. Sometimes transitions feel harder when we move on without acknowledging that something has ended. This could look like creating a family tradition to look at pictures, share memories, laugh (or cry) about the good times, or talk about everyones favourite moments.

3. Bring excitement into your every day. While we can’t recreate those exact moments, we can recreate what made it meaningful. If summer break gave you more time outside, more family dinners, more laughter, more chances to slow down, ask yourself how you can incorporate those aspects into your everyday life. 

As someone who experiences this deeply, I’ve learned that the moments we struggle most to let go of are often the moments we are most grateful to have experienced. The grief of something ending can hit hard because it forces us to acknowledge something we often try not to think about: everything is temporary.

I’ve learned that the goal isn’t to hold onto every positive experience or moment forever, because we can’t. The goal is to allow ourselves to feel the sadness that comes with ending, because sadness isn’t always a negative experience. But rather, it might be evidence that we experienced something worth missing. And that’s such a great thing.  Written by:

Lindsay Vandenbussche

MSW, RSW

Co-Owner of CommYOUnity